Tiffany Duening | tiffapiffa

This is just something that’s been on my mind lately: speaking up. I find too often that people don’t speak up about things that they think are wrong. I don’t mean that everyone should become poster-toting activists — I just mean the little things. Say you have a friend who says something you find offensive. Tell her. Say a coworker has done a poor job on a project that affects you. Tell him. Or say your Congress isn’t doing what you want. Tell them.

I think that, generally, people don’t speak up because they’re afraid of ruffling feathers. Here’s the thing: unless you go all super-bitch, people won’t get mad at you for voicing a well-reasoned opinion (trust me on the super-bitch thing), and if they do? Screw them. Your relationships with friends and coworkers should be strong enough that you can respectfully raise an issue without negative consequences. If not, you probably need new friends and coworkers.

People also stay quiet because they don’t think they have the authority to speak up. Okay,  don’t go busting down your boss’s door, but if there’s a problem that she should know about, find a way to tell her. The worst thing that happens is that she says no or you find out you’re wrong and learn something. The best case scenario is that she says yes and you both learn something (and you get a raise for saving the company a million dollars?). I’d say that’s worth the risk.

What about Genovese syndrome? I guess this is what happens to those popular cliques in high school in the movies: no one speaks up because, well, no one else is speaking up. It happens far beyond high school, though. You know it’s true. Even if you’re 1 against 30, it’s always worth standing up for something you believe in — or at least having a real discussion about it.

Speaking up is only half of it though. Once you say something, you or someone with the proper authority needs to follow through with action. Don’t complain to your friends about a crappy guy if you’re not going to confront the jerk. Don’t write a whiny letter to your bosses when the problem is a personal issue with a coworker. Don’t whine about politics if you don’t even vote. Don’t get me wrong: commiseration and tattling have their place, but they’re mostly just weak. There are ways to really change things that are wrong if you approach them respectfully and logically. And if you can’t change it, get rid of it. Dump the guy, quit the job, and move to Australia.

I’m sick of it. I’m sick of people calling Valentine’s Day a Hallmark holiday, stupid, pointless, or only for women. I’m sick of guys pretending that they hate it. I’m sick of girls saying that they’re “above” it. I don’t know when so much hate was injected into this holiday, but I’d love for it to stop. Here’s my best attempt at a defense:

Argument: It’s a Hallmark holiday.
Sure, it’s a holiday full of materialism and too much pink, even for my taste, but what holiday hasn’t become commercialized? That’s the world we live in, and it’s only our consumerism that supports it. Don’t buy the cheap crap (please skip over the horrible St. Patrick’s day merchandise while you’re at it), and you are officially free from blame. As it is, the holiday was started in the 15th century, far before there was a Hallmark or a Walmart to put a shiny, plastic sheen over its true meaning (which is love, by the way) so the argument is moot, at best.

Argument: I don’t care about Valentine’s Day.
It’s a true sign of immaturity when someone can’t like something just because it’s not cool to like it, or vice versa. I see this all the time with Valentine’s Day. Girls love to boast that they are “different” or somehow smarter than their counterparts because they think Valentine’s Day is dumb. And guys stealthily shop on Amazon, lest one of their friends see that they actually want to show someone that they care. Stop it. Get over your own ego and pride. It feels good to do something nice for someone. Try it. Make the holiday your own and do something that is meaningful to you. If you don’t like chocolates or flowers or going out to dinner (in which case, um, WHAT?), then don’t do those things. But don’t write off the whole holiday.

Argument: I don’t know if I should do anything.
Don’t question whether you should make a gesture for someone you care about. Why would you not? Whether it’s a best friend, a new boyfriend, or a long-term spouse, everyone deserves love. They deserve it all the time, but this is a day set aside just for you to show it. Use it. And that doesn’t mean spending money; it’s never about the gifts. Just like Christmas, it’s just about showing that you care. This isn’t a holiday just for females either. Give a guy you care about something sweet, and tell me that the look on his face wasn’t incredible. And even if someone says she is not into Valentine’s Day (see above), she is. No one wants to feel unloved on this day. So go out with your girl friends, write your boyfriend a stupid poem, and send your Mom a card. Everyone needs love.

Argument: It’s based on a massacre. That’s horrible.
If you do some research, the origins of the holiday and of St. Valentine are unclear. But why does it even matter? When, after you finished elementary school, have you thought about Pilgrims on Thanksgiving? And if you want to hear a messed up tale, look what they did to the Indians. Bet you still eat turkey. Maybe I’m able to have this view because of my upbringing: the only type of Christmas I ever had was a secular one, but it’s still my favorite holiday. Why? Because I love the traditions; I love the decorations; I love that families come together to share love and food and gifts. It’s a milestone during which, each year, we can look back on where we were in years past. To me, it just means family. And Valentine’s Day means love – or at least affection – so why would we not focus on that?

Holidays, like most things in life, are what you make them. Why would you take this beautiful, ancient holiday and turn it into something you’re actually embarrassed to admit celebrating? I’m sick of it, and I hope that these words can make a few people at least reconsider their views on Valentine’s Day. If not, here’s my last defense:

I rest my case.